tahinaz (tahinaz) wrote in dsafgrrl,

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Self esteem/confidence needed...

I didn't realize how little self esteem and confidence I had until I started interning and looking for a job. At my internship, whenever someone compliments me or I'm forced to talk about the projects I'm working on, I immediately start laying on the self-defeating remarks. "I've ONLY written for three of the newsletters, so I'm not exactly an expert." "Yes, I guess I did an ok job, BUT I'm no good at meeting deadlines." Stuff like that. Why do I always have to follow something good up with something bad about myself? It comes out of my mouth before I even have a chance to think about what I'm saying.

Then on the job search front: I know there are so many jobs I could apply for, but whenever I go to actually submit a resume, I stop short and think, "why would they ever want me to work for them? I can't do anything. Even if I got the job, they'd quickly find out how incompetent I am and regret their decision."

I'm sure life with my dad plays a huge part in this. How many days have I woken up to him screaming at me for being a 'worthless F'ing kid'? How many years has he kept me here at home, cooking and cleaning for him (with no compliments or thanks) instead of letting me work and gain some experience? But now I'm out of school and I HAVE to work and I simply don't have the confidence for it. I FEEL like a 'worthless F'ing kid.'

I'm sure I'm not alone here.

But anyway. Enough venting. I'm posting in hopes that someone in the community would have some advice...or maybe know good book or web site I can look into. Anything that would help me move on and make some money so I can finally get out of here...
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