kittencrush (kittencrush) wrote in dsafgrrl,

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I just joined this community because it seemed to fit me perfectly. I've been having some issues lately that I would really like to get off of my chest. If you have any comments, I welcome all opinions.

Let me begin by saying that I don't remember a lot of what happened with my father. He is still married to my mother and they are still in my life. (To a point.) I try to distance myself as much as possible from him. All I remember is that he always made very inappropriate jokes and comments about my body. There was a lot of borderline behavior. (Back / foot rubs and conversation that was just too intimate.) I realized all of this when I was admitted into a mental hospital in early 2006. We were discussing the different forms of abuse in a group therapy session. When they started talking about "covert sexual abuse" I began to shake. This is what happened to me. I think I have blocked out even more memories because my subconscious is desperately trying to make me remember.

All of the dreams are the same. I am surrounded by my family. They are very interested in each other but I am an afterthought. The only one who has any desire to pay attention to me is my father. The others don't care that I am obviously uncomfortable with this. It keeps him out of their hair. (Oddly enough, this has happened quite a bit in recent years at family get-togethers.) He always starts acting worse. Soon I am struggling against him making a blatant sexual move towards me. I scream for someone to put a stop to this and I'm ignored. Every time. I cry, scream and berate my father for being so horrible.

I always wake up with a yell.
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